We live our lives as usual. We think everything is under control.
But every once in a while something happens… a disaster, a life-changing event. Internal or external, it turns our lives upside down. It inspires us to greatest sacrifices and greatest deeds. It demands the greatest sorrow and the greatest changes. From now on we need to start anew.
Begin anew is a story of a new beginning after a great disaster.Since this is a story, it should be told in a particular order. Every painting has its place here and not much is left to chance. Let me guide you through it. Let me tell you the story.
Click on the images to read or listen more about their meaning and some information on the creative process behind them.
After a dark night comes a sunny day. After the dark winter, a joyful spring comes. One moment of joy puts on pink glasses, opens a children’s world of dreams. Listen to the birds in spring, look at the blue sky through the branches of the trees, you will find what you are looking for there.expo guest, Irek
1 – life as we know it
Life is good. Life is boring. And I don’t even know it. I definitely do not appreciate it. I’d actually do something else. Something nicer, cooler and more adventurous. There are 100 things on my to-do list and I’m not doing anything. I live in a timeless state of being. I still have time. I’ll always have time. Tomorrow there is another day.
2 – the beast
Out of nowhere and without any warning comes a strike. It’s so powerful that it leaves me breathless. The horror of the present is unbearable. Why now? Why me? It’s unfair! But no one is listening in the cold void of my sudden despair. I don’t feel anything except for freezing cold.
3 – chaos and fear
Left, right, up, down, inside, outside? There is no meaning in what there used to be. I want to go back to yesterday as there is no tomorrow. And today? Today is nothing but pain of liquid fire in my veins. I trash around like a wild bird in a cage. Let me out!
4 – breath
Quiet! In and out. Breathe in and breathe out. Quickened at first with pain in the chest. Slowing down with every new iteration. It’s becoming dark and quiet now. In the soundless darkness I can gather strength again. Any moment now.
5 – I can!
I explode in an attempt to turn back time. To go back and live in yesterday. As if nothing has happened in the present. As if today wasn’t what it is. I thrust all my energy in one last burst hoping that I’ll manage to do the impossible.
6 – I can’t
Burning out like the last ambers after a great fire. Nothing is as it should be and nothing wants to go back to the way it was. I have no energy, no power nor hope to turn the tide, to stop the inevitable. The inertia takes over again.
7 – surrender
The darkness takes me again and this time it’s the darkness of death. It falls slowly upon me. I can feel its weight on my shoulders, how it presses on my eyelids and sticks all over me like liquid tar. It’s quiet again. This time there will be no explosions. This time there will only be death.
8 – the dark night of the soul
Deeper and deeper into the darkness I fall. There are no directions here. It’s a place outside of the realm of dimensions. Deeper and deeper I sink into myself. There is no end to this. There are no sounds except for my own slowing down heartbeat. And soon, even that will cease. There is no hope any more.
9 – the choices
I open my eyes and the day is grey. I force myself to do the most mundane of things. It’s not a pleasant day but it’s not unbearable either. Just one leg in front of the other. Just one breath at the time. Second after second and hour after hour the day slips gently in between my fingers. I watch it pass and for the first time in a while I’m not crushed by the weight of my own soul.
10 – the new direction
It starts slowly. With the faintest of smiles. With the smallest of joys. But there it is and I can’t ignore it. The seed of the new. The seed that always grows in the darkest of places in the most horrifying of times. I knew that but I forgot. I forgot yet again. Now that the seed is there I can feel it growing inside me and I regain strength by the hour. I’ll be flying out again soon.
11 – the temptation
With the new strength an idea emerges. Try! Try it just one more time. Perhaps it is possible to return to yesterday. To live normally. Whenever I can I shake it off. Yesterday is gone. It’s gone for good, it’s gone forever. Every once in a while I’m off guard and thinking just as if it was yesterday. I do want to come back but now I know, feel and truly understand that it will never happen.
12 – the self
Life is good. Life is still exciting but I know it does slowly become boring. Yesterday? What yesterday? Yesterday is gone. Just like water in a river. Let’s think about tomorrow. I have time to spare today.